Stupid!!!!

I am happy because I will celebrate my 20th birthday soon.

But, at the meantime, I am not that happy..Because for last 10 years, I celebrated this annual occasion with my own family....Sometimes maybe just my own....

Wishing "Happy birthday to me" everytime...I don't know whether there is anyone of my friends still remember it....I won't blame them for such thing but I blame myself for not telling them my birthday and I deserved for it....

Yeah..yeah.....I know.....I had been ashamed of it and I am not good in expressing my feelings...That's why I always try my best to get the good results and gain attention from other people's focus....

It was a big mistake...Other friends can celebrate happily...while I, unfortunately, have to show my birthday date to them and they just :" oh....today is your birthday?!"

Wa....Ok...never mind, but, why do I so silly in memorising my friends' birthdays...keep wishing them happy birthday.....ok.....never mind...

But, I felt myself stupid enough just do that for this 10 years....so STUPID!!!
Keeping wishing them and gain nothing back...Ok...I never hope something will be paid back....But, I just feel myself is being so stupid...
DON'T know why..just stupid...

Last night, I suggested through sms with Ka yee...I suggested that having a bbq party( gathering for last time) before we all depart to pursue our dreams....
But, the responds were really disappointing....

"Aiya, cant ....because too troublesome" Sigh....definitely, I was not that obvious saying that party is upon my birthday..but is ok then ok...

But, the answer was really made me sad and I nearly cry....I just can't cry...
Because I thought if this party does work, it will be our or my last gathering before I go to Singapore..

It came out to be a worse thing for me...A bad memory...
I really hope there is someone can celebrate birthday with me, excluding family...coz I always celebrate it with them..

And for the last time, I really hope my 20th birthday can be a memorable birthday..

Ciao...